Gal 5:14-15 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another.

I have been among the many Christian who have hated on non-Christians and hated on fellow Christians for various reasons. I wanted to share 3 things God has been teaching Grace and I about this epidemic.

Note: What I am discussing is what goes on in our hearts towards others. I strongly believe we are called to stand up for truth. But I believe standing against injustice, wickedness, or lies should be done out of love for our neighbor, not hatred in our hearts.

1. When I find myself judging/condemning someone, I need to consider ways I can relate. More often than not, I find myself condemning someone for something that I have done or do myself. Someone did something selfish. Welp, I do selfish things all the time. Someone was unloving. Am I any different if I respond to their unloving actions by hating them in my heart?

We are all a lot more alike than we think; we all have selfish, wicked hearts. When I condemn someone in my heart, it is often because I believe I am essentially different. Do you ever say things like, “I can’t believe they did ____” or “I can’t stand people who _____”? If I step back a little bit, I should be able to understand them, because they are just like me: Fallen and Loved by God. This should produce compassion towards my neighbors; like me, they are broken and need help.

2. Condemning people won’t help them. When I condemn others, I am subjecting them to the Law. I’m saying, “Look how you fail to do the right thing!” But being subjected to the law won’t fix anyone. (It will either make us hate those condemning us, or it will crush us with the weight of our failures.) The only thing that changes me is the insane love and grace that Christ has shown me. Why would I then subject others to anything less?*

Galatians 2:16 “And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law.”

3. Forgiveness is the only thing that brings me freedom. Ungrace produces a cycle that doesn’t end.  For years, I thought it was okay to judge judgmental people; slander the slanderers; snub those who have snubbed me; hate the hateful people. Not only is this ineffective in helping my neighbor, it makes me a slave to ungrace. The only way out is the solution Jesus brought: Grace. To forgive others in my heart, even if they remain in their wrongdoing, frees me from the poisonous effects of hatred and ungrace. Jesus saved us from the deep pit of condemnation and hatred we were in by forgiving us while we were yet sinners. Because of Him, I am free to do the same to others.

When someone once asked the theologian Karl Barth what he would say to Adolf hitler given the chance to meet him, he replied, “I would tell him ‘Jesus died for your sins’.” My prayer is that we would treat those who have hurt us with the same compassion and forgiveness that Christ has poured over us to both our Christian and non-Christian neighbors.

*This will only work if I want what’s best for them. I’ve found myself, many times, simply wanting to be right, or wanting to feel proud of myself that I’m not like them. Wanting what is best for my neighbor will radically alter the course of action.

**For those who like reference pages and footnotes: I owe most of these ideas to Philip Yancey, Ben Crawford, and Tim Keller.

Instead I got: “Yeah, you didn’t choose an easy life.”

I tend to see challenges as adversity to grit my teeth through.  I’ve secretly got an agenda that involves a simple, enjoyable, comfortable life.   When that is challenged, I get frustrated, overwhelmed, full of self-pity, and start believing that God doesn’t want what’s best for me.

But what if He does? What if these aren’t heavy burdens to be weighed down by, but opportunities. Or better yet, blessings?

I desperately want to see my 4 year old son mature in wisdom, leadership, and Godliness. But right now, I can hardly trust him to pick up his toys. When I ask him to clean something up or share a toy with someone, it’s not because I want to crush him with challenges. It’s the exact opposite: I want to see him thrive, and task or challenge is an opportunity for him to grow in maturity, discipline, and selflessness. My heart’s desire is to see him become at what he was created to be, and a huge part of that involves an ability to take on responsibility.

Matthew 25:

The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’

“The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’

“Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man…I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’

“Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away.

Here’s a list of the thoughts and feelings I experienced when I received these “excessive gifts”:

• (with the ipad) “That was way too much. Great. Now we need to buy them a car or something next time we stay at their house for a week.”
•  Guilt: this is way beyond what seems “appropriate” for service we performed (to be honest, we would have gladly paid to have them stay at our house).
• I must find a way to pay it back.
• Is it even okay to just accept the gift?
• Frustration: “What are they thinking? We don’t need or deserve this.”
• (with the anonymous gift) My mind raced to figure out who gave it to us so I could know what they were thinking and how to make it right.
• “Since I can’t pay it back, I need to  make sure to act in a way worthy of this gift.”

2004: We start trying to get pregnant

2006: We are seeing a fertility doctor, using meds, and eventually artificial insemination, and find out we’re pregnant by the end of the year. Super excited!

2007: We have our first kid!

2008: 3 months after Elias is born, apparently those fertility issues resolved themselves, and we find out Grace is unexpectedly expecting! Kinda scared, but hey, we wanted kids anyway, so what the heck.

2009: 6 months after Gabriella is born, and despite the use of contraceptives, we find out we are pregnant again. 3 kids in less than 2.5. It was almost like someone told us we were being sent to a Siberian prison for the next 20 years. We were pretty depressed about it for a long, long time.

2010: We have Lieve (you can read about how I unexpectedly had to got to deliver her myself). We prepare for a tough year of 3 kids in diapers, but we thought we’d probably survive it. Then we would take 3 to ∞ years off from having kids.

2011: We learn that the effective use of contraceptives is one of the many things that we are not good at… we’re pregnant with #4. But something weird happened this time. You might expect that we would be the most devastated yet, but we weren’t. Ever since we found out we were pregnant with Lieve (in an effort to ward off violent depression), Grace and I meditated on this passage from Psalm 127:

³ Children are a heritage from the LORD,
offspring a reward from him.
⁴ Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are children born in one’s youth.
⁵ Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their opponents in court.

If 3 kids in 2.5 years felt like self-inflicted torture, then 4 kids in 4.5 years should have felt worse. However, even we were hoping to take a sabbatical from pregnancy, childbirth, and diapers, something funny started to happen: we started to BELIEVE this passage. So when we found out we were pregnant, both Grace and I thought, “wow. God is really blessing us.”

2 questions I’ve had to ask myself over the past 2 years:

1. How does God view family, and am I aligned with His view?

2. How does God view children, and am I aligned with His view?

I don’t know if this means we’ll have 30 kids and become like the Duggars. Maybe God’s teaching me that I should get a vasectomy. Maybe He’s showing us that we should have more kids. At this moment, I don’t know. But I do know that I embrace God’s decision to bless us with 4 kids. Because if He says, “blessed is the man whose quiver is full of children born in one’s youth”, maybe I should view children the same way.

*Oh yeah. And it helps when all the kids are totally awesome, hilarious, fun, and entertaining.

“I thought the way to have eternal life was to say the ‘Sinner’s Prayer’… no one said anything about ‘knowing God.’ I don’t like the sound of that. Just tell me what to do, not Who to start having a relationship with.” – Me 4 years ago

“I am starting to experience a small sliver of eternal life as I get to know God.” – Me today

I look forward to an eternity of knowing “the only true God, and Jesus Christ, the one he sent to earth.”

We are entering into our 3rd summer of renting out our house as a Vacation Rental on VRBO.com. Yep. Other people pay us to stay at our house, while we vacation (typically at Grace’s parents’ place on Hood Canal, though we’ve vacationed to Los Angeles, Whidbey Island, Las Vegas, and Cincinnati courtesy of this gig).

With the struggling economy, people are looking for more economical ways of travelling. So a 4 bedroom house for $300/night, where you can cook your own meals and fit 4-10 people, sure beats staying in multiple hotel rooms. Plus, we have a 60″ TV with cable and DVD player, a kids’ playground in the backyard, and fully stocked kitchen. So it’s a lot more comfortable and enjoyable to hang out in than a hotel room. And it’s perfect for us, because I can work remotely, and it’s covered 50-100% of our mortgage the last 2 years.

Here’s how it works:

• We rent it to people coming to the area for weddings, vacations, family reunions, etc. They pay ~$2,000/week for the house + refundable security deposit
• We clean up our house and leave it comfortable for the rentors. This has basically become Grace’s job, and she does an amazing job of leaving the house clean and inviting. She’ll leave fresh flowers and sparkling cider or things like that as a finishing touch, and people seem to love that stuff.
• We go somewhere else during their stay. (Note, if you stay with friends or family you can keep costs low, but make sure to do something nice for them to let them know how much you appreciate their hospitality… take them out to a nice meal or buy them a nice bottle of wine)

Reasons to not do this:

• You don’t own a home
• Your house is your castle, and you want to keep it that way. Or you can’t stomach the idea of other people sleeping in your bed
• You work a 9-5 with little or no vacation time, so there is little to no flexibility
• You are so tied into your community that leaving for a week or 2 at a time would be counterproductive
• You rent out part of your house to someone who wouldn’t be able to be flexibly (I actually think about this a lot, because we’d like to have someone move in with us, but we make enough from VRBO, that we would need a roommate who can be flexible in the summers)
• You’re afraid someone might break your stuff (Solution: Don’t keep nice stuff out in the open… we lock the garage off, and keep valuables in a safe deposit box at the bank. But to be honest, we have had very little trouble with broken stuff. People want their deposit back, so they tend to take care of your home)

Reasons to do this:

• Work towards your home becoming less of a Liability and more of an Asset
• If you just did this 2 weeks a summer, and planned your family vacation around it, you could easily pay for your entire vacation and still put away a couple thousand dollars. And even if you don’t go somewhere fancy, when you know that you’re making money on the proposition, you can feel free to eat out a little more or enjoy something fun to reward yourself for the hard work of getting your house ready for VRBO guests.
• Challenge your own faith that THIS is not your home (it’s God’s home, and Heaven is your true home)

Why I’m telling you this:

We heard about this from a friend about 4 or 5 years ago. They vacation the entire summer, renting their small house out on VRBO, and cover their entire year’s worth of mortgage payments! At first I thought, that’s cool, but I could never do that. But then Grace and I decided to give it a try, and now we’re hooked. And I’m not the only one… I have preached the gospel of VRBO to several dozen people and now I know at least 8 people who have tried this in 5 different cities, all with success stories. Some people stay with family, others rent out just 1 floor of their house, others travel around the country in their RV, and others use it a way to pay for glamorous vacations they otherwise wouldn’t be able to afford. So I thought I’d throw it out there to other people who might be looking for creative ways to get some extra income out of their house.

And if moving out several times in the summer does not sound like you, I will be writing a blogpost in the near future about why I want someone to move in with us in the near future.

This is a family photo taken by a friend and great guy, Jonathan Willis. It was taken spring of 2009 (or 2 kids ago, in Jones lingo).

John 7:24: Look Beneath the Surface so You Can Judge Correctly

The problem:

We look at the surface and made incorrect judgments:

• I’ve been written off and written others off as unable to speak into one’s life for being too traditional,  not traditional enough, too charismatic, not charismatic enough, too successful, not successful enough, too risk-taking, not risky enough…
• I’ve been judged and I’ve judged others inaccurately for how they talk, how they do church, what they do or don’t drink, where they work, and on and on
•  We can incorrectly assessed people as “bad guys” by their actions, or incorrectly assessed people as “the good guys” by judging from the surface.*

Just like the people in Jesus’ time, I have a history of making assessments without getting to the heart of the issue (or person).  But Jesus calls us to look deeper into things so we can “judge with right judgment”; get to the root of something so we can properly assess it.

The solution:

1. Get to know the heart of God. I’m learning that God cares about actions only inasmuch as they are the outpouring of the heart. But when we love who He is, we will care about the right things, rather than just caring about behaviors (both good and bad). The more I fall in love with God, the less I am obsessed with the actions people make, and the more I long to see our hearts to be near to Jesus’.

2. Ask “Why“. If someone does something that makes me want to make a snap assessment, it helps to ask WHY they did that. Not because I’im looking for an opportunity to condemn them, but so I can get beneath the surface to assess correctly. I know I’ve been surprised at the findings when I take the time to understand the root of some actions and the heart of the person taking those actions.

The result:

2. Freedom. The more I understand God’s heart, the more I realize that He truly desires freedom for those who trust Him, not bondage from His perfect Law. It almost seems like Jesus went out of his way to heal people on the Sabbath. He could have saved himself a lot of trouble by simply taking the day off from healing, and gotten to those people the next day. But by healing on the Sabbath he shows the immense freedom that exists when we are in step with the Spirit. I used to obsess over “is ____ a sin or not?” That was always the wrong question anyway.

The solution:

I want people to look deeply into my actions so they can point me to Christ; out of love, I want to point others to Christ as well. But things are not always as they seem on the surface, and we need to care about the heart. My prayer is that we learn more each day to live by Jesus’ words and care enough about each other to “look beneath the surface and judge correctly.” Then, perhaps, it will be easier and more natural to live by Paul’s exhortation to “always be humble and gentle.”

I was reading Psalm 142 the other day and it really struck me. Here’s the flow I seem to get from it:

1. David cries out to the Lord for help from circumstances:

¹ I cry out to the Lord;
I plead for the Lord’s mercy.
² I pour out my complaints before him
and tell him all my troubles.
³ When I am overwhelmed,
you alone know the way I should turn.
Wherever I go,
my enemies have set traps for me.

2. David looks for help from other sources, but realizes “no one cares a bit” what happens to him:

⁴ I look for someone to come and help me,
but no one gives me a passing thought!
No one will help me;
no one cares a bit what happens to me.

3. David realizes God IS his refuge:

⁵ Then I pray to you, O Lord.
I say, “You are my place of refuge.
You are all I really want in life.

4. David cries out for help again, in humility and intimacy:

 ⁶ Hear my cry,
for I am very low.
Rescue me from my persecutors,
for they are too strong for me.
⁷ Bring me out of prison
so I can thank you.

5. Regardless of circumstances, David trusts that God will take care of him in the end:

 The godly will crowd around me,
for you are good to me.”

What really struck me about the passage is that nothing physically changes for David. He is still stuck in a cave with Saul chasing after him trying to kill him. But David seems to go through a shift from, “I need help” to “I need You, and I can turn to you in my circumstances because You are good to me.”

The reason this was so powerful to me is that I am the first to think, “if only [fill in the blank] would change, my everything would be fine.” And maybe my life would be fine… for a day or 2. But when life is focused on what I demand, physically and emotionally, for joy and fulfillment, there will always be more circumstances that God will need to change. Because nothing satisfies for long. Money, sex, status, and possessions are all things I thought would solve my problems. But the next day, life isn’t perfect and I’m still unsatisfied.

However, if God is all I really want in life, and I know that I can trust Him to work out all things for good (whether it is in this life or the life to come), then I realize the circumstances don’t create my refuge. Whether God changes [fill in the blank] or not, I shall not want! I may still cry out for God to bring justice, healing, etc. But it won’t determine my sense of joy or fulfillment. “For He will deal bountifully with me.”

Taking it one step further, perhaps God was using David’s circumstances to bring him to a place of acknowledging that “You are all I really want in life.” And Perhaps God is using my circumstances to teach me the same thing. If that is the case, it is just another way that I can say “You are good to me.”

Elias came 10 days late, and Gabriella was 3 days late. For whatever reason, we expected Lieve to arrive right around her due date. So Grace and I found ourselves both frustrated and uptight when Grace hadn’t had a single contraction nearly 10 days after her due date. Thankfully, my parents took the toddlers of our hands for the weekend so we could get a little rest and chill out as we impatiently waited for things to begin.

We knew we were taking a risk by choosing to do a home birth with a midwife who lived over an hour away. But our insurance didn’t cover pregnancy. (Only a month or two before getting pregnant, we switched to a cheaper insurance plan that didn’t cover pregnancy, being that we had every intention of waiting a couple years before having another child. But apparently it only takes one night of passion with no birth control to subvert your family planning).  Marie, our midwife, had even given us advice on what to do if she couldn’t make it to our house in time to deliver. She warned that the third child was a wildcard. Once labor began, it could be slow and drawn out like the last 2 kids, or it could be quick and intense. But I had firmly decided that we would make sure she got there with plenty of time. I practically cut Grace off when she was relaying Marie’s advice on what to do if the unspeakable were to begin before Marie could get there.

Neither Grace or I can remember what we were doing Saturday evening when contractions started. I imagine I was playing DoodleJump and Words with Friends on my iPhone and Grace was watching some cooking competition on the Food network. Regardless, at some point Grace told me she was getting contractions, and she started timing them on her laptop. We called Marie to let her know, but assured her that the contractions were not very strong or close together. She said to call her the moment they increased in strength or got closer together, but we didn’t want to make her drive up and sleep on our couch just because Grace was getting a few contractions. I couldn’t help but think about the three full nights of contractions Grace had before “real” labor began with Elias. We didn’t want to be that couple that jumps the gun, only to have their doctor or midwife say, “ok. Well, give me a call when you’re ACTUALLY in labor.” So we reassured Marie that we’d keep her informed, and we went to bed.

Around 8AM, Grace says that the contractions are starting to get a little stronger, but they weren’t very close together yet. So I called Marie, relayed the info, and told her we’ll keep her updated. I make us a big breakfast, and read through the 5 or so stages of labor from the workbook we went through before Elias was born. Oh yeah, I remember this. Easy enough. The Crawfords called to see what was going on. (We were at their last childbirth, and they had attended both of our births. Ben was the DJ and photographer, while Kami was the informal Doula). I let them know the status, and they inform me that they’re going to get childcare for their kids, then coming over. I thought that was a little extreme, but tell them they’re welcome to watch Food network and play on iPhones with us all day. We head downstairs to chillax.

The Crawfords show up while we’re set up downstairs with laptops, DVDs, and TV. I had put on the previous night’s episode of SNL. Ben is telling us that he’d like to deliver a baby before he dies. You would, Mr. Extreme. But we don’t get much chance to chat it up, because within 15 minutes of the Crawfords showing up, Grace went from talking through her contractions and acting normal to laying on the futon across the room from us, ignoring everything else going on.

Now, I cannot emphasize enough how poorly I miscalculated what was going on at this point. With both other kids, when contractions got serious, we had about 2 hours before Grace got in the birthing tub and started pushing. Then, we were in the birthing tub for another 2 hours before the baby was born. So, I realized things were getting serious, but I thought it was T-minus 4 hours until birth. This is when I call Marie, she shows up an hour later, we coach Grace through contractions for an hour, then get in the Birthing Tub and the magic happens. It’s all under control.

“You should call Marie,” Grace says. Baby, I’m one step ahead of you.  I’ve got Marie on the phone, and tell her to head up right away. Ben and I start filling up the Birthing Tub we had bought online, discussing the strategy of getting it to the perfect temperature. Within 5 minutes, I realize that Grace is really struggling through each contraction. So I entrust Ben to be our hot tub technician so I can massage Grace’s back during the painful back labor. But by this point, contractions are about 1 minute on, 1.5 minutes off, and not slowing down.

Don’t panic. If we have to get Grace into the tub ourselves, we’ll still have a couple hours before she’s pushing the baby out. Marie’s gotta be only 30 minutes away by now. That’s only 10 or so contractions.

By this point, SNL is no longer on the TV, Kami is getting warm washcloths for Grace’s forehead and making Grace drink Gatorade between contractions. I have Ben call Marie to check her ETA. She’s 30 minutes out, and her assistant is only 15 minutes out. We’re totally fine. Marie asks if Grace is feeling “pushy”. “A little,” Grace says between two more intense contractions. Marie instructs Grace to get on her hands and knees. This will be the least likely position for Grace to start pushing. And DON’T get in the tub. That might speed things up. I look at the clock.

5 contractions and the assistant will be here. She’ll know what to do until Marie shows up. I hope Ben got the temperature just right. I should get my bathing suit on. OK, here’s another contraction. Only 4 more. I hope they’re driving fast!

“Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!” Grace is starting to say this in the middle of every contraction. But I trust that she’s thinking as rationally as I am, and understands that the best decision is to wait another 20 minutes before pushing. Marie isn’t far out by this point. “Just keep breathing through the contractions. You’re doing a great job, baby. Don’t push. Just keep breathing.”

Ben and Kami’s third child was born so quickly that none of their friends or family were able to make it to the birthing center before he was already born. They’ve come to grips with the fact that willpower might not slow things down at this point. “Grace, what do you want to do? If you would be more comfortable getting in the tub, we should do that,” Kami says. “I don’t think I can move”.

Yeah. We’ll move Grace when Marie gets here. Or at least her assistant. She should be here any contraction now. Just a couple more…

“Oh no! Oh no!” I’m still sitting behind Grace, pushing on her lower hips as hard as I can with each contraction. But as I look down, I see something shaped like a baby’s head pushing her sweatpants out.

Oh $*@#!

“Colin, take my pants off!” I pull her pants down, and there’s a baby head from just above the chin right there. “The baby’s head is out!!!” I yell. “It’s not breathing! It’s not breathing!” Apparently, the baby doesn’t need to start breathing until it’s no longer connected to the umbilical cord, because it’s still getting blood and whatever from the mom. But I don’t know this. All I know is that my baby isn’t breathing. “Ok, Grace. Push the baby out with the next contraction,” Kami says.

We can’t wait for the next contraction! My baby isn’t breathing, and I can’t resuscitate it until it’s all the way out. Grace is going to have to push now. I’m assuming you can push even when you’re not having a contraction? She’s going to have to!

Right then, the front door opens. “The baby’s head is out. Get down here! It’s not breathing!!!” “It’s ok. The baby doesn’t need to breathe yet. It’s still connected to the umbilical cord,” Marie’s assistant yells from upstairs. Thank God! My baby’s ok! 10 seconds later, she’s downstairs right next to me. “Have you checked to see that the umbilical cord isn’t wrapped around it’s neck,” she says. What?!? No! How do you do that!?!  Grace starts having another contraction. I’m expecting the baby to slowly and smoothly slide out into my waiting hands. But in one slippery instant, the whole thing is falling towards me. “Catch it!” the assistant exclaims. Improvisational instincts [I say this very tongue in cheek] kick in, and I catch it. I weiner! It must be a boy! No, wait. Stop wiggling! That must have been the umbilical cord. It’s a girl! Double check. “It’s a girl!!!”

“Pull her close to you,” the assistant instructs. You must not see how gross she is right now. Will this stuff stain my shirt? Oh well. I pull my daughter up to me, and embrace the fact that I’m getting all sorts of nastiness all over my shirt, arms, and shorts.

Mental note: this can serve as a good anecdote for how the Heavenly Father embraces His children, holding them tightly, even though they’re still covered in crap.

I’m half crying, half laughing, and wondering what comes next. The assistant has me pass the baby to her through Grace’s legs. We make the handoff, and Grace can finally sit down and catch her breath.

Well, I guess we didn’t need the birthing tub. I wonder if we can return it for a full refund?